Mr. Little Dick

So somehow Fiesta, Kenia, and myself ended up talking about Danny and micro penises - no offense Long story short, some guy ends up coming up to me and says, "Excuse me Mr. Little Dick, do you know where Auto is?" The three of us just looked at the guy like he was crazy. I was literally about to beat the shit out of him. He apologized and said he was sorry and that he just overheard us talking. We called him a creep and he walked away.
 
I really wanted to beat the shit out of him, but I didn't know what to do. How would you react if someone came up to you randomly and called you Mr. Little Dick?


Me and Fiesta are gonna find him and cut his fingers off for shaming me!

Buffalo Cantina

My friend Gennaro told about this thing called the "Seppuku Challenge" at Buffalo Cantina. Apparently they are the spiciest wings in all of Brooklyn. I just knew I had to try it out. So Kamil, Niall, and myself head there and I tell the guy I want the Seppuku Challenge.The guys says, "Are you sure?" I hesitate a little and reply, "Fuck it, why not?"

For those who don't know what Seppuku is;

seppuku: ritual suicide by self-disembowelment on a sword; practiced by samurai in the traditional Japanese society

And the completing the Seppuku Challenge gets me;

-A horrible burning senstation in my mouth for a day
-A fiery bowel for two days
-Complete and utter Youtube humiliation - if applicable
-Uncontrollable sweating and crying
-My meal paid for on the house
-My picture on the wall
-A free T-Shirt

The guy makes me sign a waiver - no joke! I'll have a picture of it up soon. I was starting to get nervous, but I couldn't back down now.

The food comes out and.... well here's a video. Enjoy!




There was a wing hidden under all the bones, that's what screwed me over. Not to mention the fact that I started hiccuping, and I didn't know I could have a drink until halfway through. But fuck that shit, NO EXCUSES!

I'm trying it again in another two weeks, when Gennaro comes back so he could watch me survive the Seppuku Challenge! I want my picture on the wall and a fucking T-Shirt!

Joke of the Week

What do hookers and butter have in common?







They both spread for the bread.

-credit to Niall

I just put on my lol-ler skates;
Rode to the rofl-copter;
And jumper into the lol-cano.

Twitter

I actually did it, I made a Twitter. I must say. Within the 30 minutes since making one, I fucking hate it already. I almost deleted it twice. Hopefully this thing gets better.

Anyways....

https://twitter.com/wnorowski

Follow me motherfuckers!

Okay so I just uninstalled Twitter from my phone, I wasn't even on it for 12 hours, but I fucking hated it. I don't get why the fuck people like that shit. Twitter DEEZ NUTS for all I care.

Okay so I reinstalled and it's meh. I'm not on it 24/7, but I do update it her and there.

Jets Baby!

Me and Niall went to Hooters to watch the Jets game. We were seated next to this family and there was this little kid there. This is by far the most awesome baby I have ever seen! Whenever I did the J-E-T-S chant he would get out of his seat and say go Jets and give me a high 5! His parents were nice enough to let me take a picture with him.

The Hooters lady looks like she thinks I was going to eat him.

If only the Jets pulled it out. Sadface.

Well I guess there's always next year.

Quote of the Week

"It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met."

-Anonymous

IT GOT POSTED ON TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT!

Link!

Aw yea!

Spell Check

So I just went on to Niall's Blog and corrected every single spelling mistake and grammatical error. I though it was gonna take about 25 minutes. It fucking took 1 hour, 14 minutes, and 50 seconds. It felt like an eternity.



I now know what hell feels like.

Taboo

Me, Niall, Victor, and Oscar were playing Taboo last night.  Me and Niall were on the same team - it was whites against ethnics. It was my turn and the word was Wide Receiver.  This is how the dialog went;


R: Wayne Chrebet is my favorite?
N: Football player!
R: No, what did he play?
N: Jets
R: What position?
N: Um, Linebacker?
R: LINEBACKER?! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?
N: Woops, I meant Quarterback.
R: NO!!!! Ugh, what does Randy Moss play?
N: Wide Receiver!
R: Fucking finally! Linebacker!? Seriously?!



Linebacker!? Seriously Niall!?

I also found out that Niall is allergic to carrots. Through a game of Taboo of all things. I'm a horrible best friend

Madden 08

Words cannot describe how much I fucking hate this game. For the past week I've been going over Victor's to play it. I've never been able to beat him in this game. Mainly due to all the bullshit that goes on during the game.

Here's an example of the kind of games we have:


First Half
I'm always the Jets
Victor usually plays as the Broncos, but he always bitches and says I'm not worthy
I complain and threaten not to play at all til he actually goes Broncos
I win the coin toss and kick the ball so I could get it in the 2nd half
Cutler - reminding you it's Madden 08 - drops back 30 steps and gets sacked or intercepted
Vic goes for it on 4th and 30
Vic doesn't make it
I end up kicking a Field Goal
Vic tries scrambling with Cutler and fumbles
I run the ball with Thomas Jones, playing somewhat conservative
I end up scoring
Vic gets the ball
Vic goes for it on 4th Down - doesn't make it again.
I get the ball and end up scoring before Haltime
Halftime - G Head 17 Victor 0

Second Half
I get the ball
I try a quick pass and it gets intercepted by Champ Bailey for a Touchdown
Vic goes for 2 and doesn't make it
I get the ball back
Thomas Jones runs for 10 yards and gets hit hard
Thomas Jones fumbles the ball
I start screaming, "Are you fucking serious!?"
Jay Cutler drops back 30 yards, throws the ball like Derek Jeter does, Brandon Marshall catches it for 30 yards
I scream at the TV again
I stop the Broncos
Vic goes for it on 4th and 35
Jay Cutler drops back another 20 yards and Brandon Marshall catches it with his asscheeks for another touchdown
Vic goes for 2 and makes it
G Head 17 Vic 14
Chad Pennington passes to Justin McCareins for an 80 yard touchdown- once again, it's 08
Jay Cutler throws a quick pass to Brandon Marshall and Darelle Revis FUCKING BOUNCES OFF MARSHALL AND MARSHALL SCORES A MOTHERFUCKING TOUCHDOWN!
I ask everyone in the room if they saw that bullshit?!
Everyone is laughing hysterically
G Head 24 Vic 21
I try a run with Thomas Jones AND HE FUCKING FUMBLES AGAIN!
Vic starts running the clock out
There's about 15 seconds left and Vic is on his own 35
I think I have a chance to win
Jay Cutler drops back all the way to his own endzone
Jay Cutler does another Derek Jeter pass to Brandon Marshall AND THAT FUCKING COCKSUCKER SCORES ANOTHER TOUCHDOWN!
Clock runs out
G Head 24 Vic 27
I keep screaming that this is bullshit and slam my controller to the ground.

I swear I fucking hate this game. I don't hate the game nowhere near as much as I hate Victor. I don't get how he always does it. I feel like he's got some magical Puerto Rican dust that always lets him win.

I did kick his ass in Madden 10 though, so that made me feel a little better.

FUCK YOU VICTOR!

Boredom

New Phone

So I finally got my new phone (not exactly, I just finally decided to blog about it). It's the Blackberry 9700 and I must say I really love it! It's honestly one of the best phones I've ever had. It's like having a second cock! The Sidekick doesn't even compare to the Blackberry. The only upside of the Sidekick is that the AIM is so much better. But so far, that's the only flaw I found on the Blackberry.

And look at this! My blog looks awesome on my phone. Woohoo! Anyone with a Blackberry should send me their BBM's. Pretty please?



P.S. I'm selling a Sidekick 2008 - go figure - for a Hundred bucks. It's got 2 chargers. 2 batteries, and 256mb memory card. Let me know if anyone's interested.

High Five!

Did you know that if you look at someone's elbow, there's  a 95% chance you can't miss. I leave a 5% error for those who are completely plastered and/or have no motor skills whatsoever - like Niall.

Follow this tip and soon you'll be high-fiving like a champ!

I WANT YOU!

I know this is stupid and so primitive, but me and Niall made a group to see which one of us can get to a million members first. The first person to get to a million gets to slap the other one in the face as hard as they can - and the loser has to be blindfolded! All i gotta say is I WANT THIS! I just need to slap the living shit out of him.

I've been waiting for this shit since I was born!

Just in case people don't know, Niall is my best friend and this is a friendly competition. But that doesn't mean I don't wanna slap the taste out of his mouth!

Of course I can't do this without your help! I know it's annoying as hell, but I need you to invite as many people as humanly possible.

This slap is not just for me; it's for every single one of you!!

Here's the link: CLICK AND JOIN SO I CAN SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF HIM!!!!

*UPDATE*


So both of the groups got deleted by Facebook. This is what Facebook wrote to both of us:

Hello,

"The group "If 1 Million People Join, I Get to Slap Niall in the Face as Hard as I Can!" has been removed because it violated our Terms of Use. Among other things, groups that are hateful, threatening, or obscene are not allowed. We also take down groups that attack an individual or group, or advertise a product or service. Continued misuse of Facebook's features could result in your account being disabled."

 

...bummer

 

Now who gets to slap who? Feedback would be appreciated!

Joke of the Week

What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino?







Ele-Phino (hell-if-I-know)!







This is one of my favorite jokes of all time. I wonder when my love for five year old jokes will end?

Limbo

So I just finished reading a book called "Limbo" by Alfred Lubrano. I can honestly say it's one of the best books I have ever read. It's about a man who grew up in blue-collar Brooklyn and ended up graduating from Columbia; getting his Masters degree; and evidently getting out of the blue-collar world and moving to the white-collar world. He has this feeling of not belonging in either world, but he's somewhere in between - his very own Limbo. The whole book talks about his transition between the worlds. He also interviews many people dealing with the same transition, but their stories are much different.

I loved the book because I felt he wrote it just for me. I feel like I'm dealing with the exact same problems that all the people in this book are going through. I'm a first-generation college student and my parents are always asking me what good school is gonna do for me.

Limbo really is an amazing book and I highly recommend it to everyone - especially first-generation college students. You won't regret it!

I'm such a whore

So with all the "Become a Fan" bullshit that's happening on Facebook, I decided to make a fan page for my blog. Yea I know, I'm such a blog whore. Fuck it! My blog is awesome and the Facebook community needs to see that.


Facebook Fan Page

^GOGOGOGO^

Future Tattoo?

I kind of want this tattooed right above my penis. Right near the hip area.

It's kind of self defeating, but it's totally not true.

=X

Jets vs. Bengals

Me, Niall, Kamil, Jimmy, Mike and Andrew went to the Jets game last night at the Meadowlands. It was fucking phenomenal! It was a playoff atmosphere because the Jets needed this one to get into the playoffs.

We get there and we're already cold as hell. It's about 18 degrees - it felt like negative 5 with wind chill. We all get to the stadium and they give us the Jets' equivalent of a Terrible Towel:

Then Kamil and Niall leave to their seats (there's were a lot better), and Jimmy, Mike, Andrew and myself go up to our section - Section 338. This was the view:






















Even though the seats were really high up, there's really no such thing as a bad seat in the Meadowlands. Everyone in the section was really drunk and really rowdy, even though it was a dry event. We get to our seats and everyone around us was really cool and friendly. Anytime we saw a person in a Bengals we started shouting things like, "ASSHOLE!",  "FUCK THE BENGALS", "OCHO FAGGOT", "FUCK THE PATRIOTS", and of course, "FUCK TOM BRADY". It was awesome.

When Brad Smith had his first 30 yard run, everyone went crazy. Then when Thomas Jones scored the first touchdown of the game, everyone went crazy! I was hugging and high-fiving everyone. I ended up getting pushed back 3 rows. For a second, I didn't know where the hell I was. Me, Andrew and Mike got really cold so we decided to get some hot chocolate. As we were walking down the stairs, we see a bunch of Jets fans arguing with some Bengals fans. Some guy gets pissed off and decides to throw his hot chocolate at the Bengals fans. Only thing was, it didn't hit the Bengals fans. It hit me right in the side! I take off my jacket to show him my jersey and scream, "I'M ON YOUR SIDE!" My white and green Jets hat was in my jacket and it ended up white and brown - luckily it came out in the wash. Worst of all was that my pants got wet and it was super cold. My dick was freezing and smelled like a Tootsie Roll. We got back and it was still a shutout. The Bengals did have some good drives, but the Jets defense shut them down whenever they got close.

By halftime it was 27-0 Jets.

A bunch of people left after halftime, but me and the guys decided to stay. Someone ended up remind us all that this is the last game at Giants Stadium. He told us how during the last games at Yankee and Shea Stadium people starting ripping their seats off to try to take a piece of the stadium home. A couple of seconds later someone stomped on their seat and it fell right off. It was kind of sad how easy it was to break it off. In a matter of minutes, everyone started stomping their seats off. The security guards come by and take all the broken seats so that no one can take them home. People start cursing him out and telling him to get a real fucking job.

This is what our section looked like after everyone was done with it:

The game ended with the Jets shutting the Bengals out 37-0. Andrew tried to sneak a seat out of the stadium inside his jacket, but he got caught. 
 
Overall it was one of the best nights of my short-lived life. Everyone around us was so cool. I was screaming so loud during the game that I have laryngitis. But fuck it, it was totally worth it. You know we had to take a group a picture. 

J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!

2010

Wow, it's already 2010. 2009 went by relatively quickly, but it was an amazing year. Sure there were ups and downs - as there are with every year - but this was most certainly a memorable year. I met so many new and amazing people, and had plenty of fun nights - even if I can't remember all of them.

Hopefully 2010 can top 2009.

I love New Years day. For me, it always consists of recovering from the night before and watching the Honeymooners Marathon. People say I remind them of Jackie Gleason - because I'm funny and fat.

I got my Simpsons 365 day calendar. 2010 can officially start.






















I guess I gotta make a New Years Resolution. I try to make them relatively general because I usually end up breaking them anyways. One resolution that I have to do this year is to lose 15 pounds - fucking Eagles. Any other ideas for a New Years Resolution?

I thought of some New Years Resolutions;

Try to swear less.
Try not get angry at every little thing I don't like - I'm told I have quite a temper.
Try not to complain about every little thing - I bitch a lot.
Try to lower my stress level.

Hopefully I can actually keep them this year.

Jets Love

My Jets bear got a girlfriend.

I wonder where my girl Jets bear is?