HAHA!

3 Weeks til Opening Day!

Anus

This is my new bad habit. I do this anytime I see a bathroom with this kind of sign. I also have to have a black Sharpie - so it's pretty situational:

Toilet humor will always make me laugh. Even ESPECIALLY when I'm 90 years old.

Fuck the Tea Party

Ouch!

I was looking through all my old photos and I found this....





















Fucking Niall!

Womanizer

Teehee

I love this girl with all my heart. And not in a "touch my peepee" kind of way either.

Kocham cie!

Dickbutt

Cracks me up everytime!

Teehee.

Bacon

This still cracks me up everytime.



Bacon

....or is it Beer Can?

Foot

Joke of the Week

Why did the golfer have two pairs of socks?




Just in case he got a hole in one.

Teehee







I like Kami's version way better:

Why golfer golf?



Hole in one. 

Quote of the Week

"What school do you go to?"

"PRATT, PRATT! What it is?!"

Quote of the Week

"It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met."

-Anonymous

IT GOT POSTED ON TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT!

Link!

Aw yea!

Taboo

Me, Niall, Victor, and Oscar were playing Taboo last night.  Me and Niall were on the same team - it was whites against ethnics. It was my turn and the word was Wide Receiver.  This is how the dialog went;


R: Wayne Chrebet is my favorite?
N: Football player!
R: No, what did he play?
N: Jets
R: What position?
N: Um, Linebacker?
R: LINEBACKER?! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?
N: Woops, I meant Quarterback.
R: NO!!!! Ugh, what does Randy Moss play?
N: Wide Receiver!
R: Fucking finally! Linebacker!? Seriously?!



Linebacker!? Seriously Niall!?

I also found out that Niall is allergic to carrots. Through a game of Taboo of all things. I'm a horrible best friend

Secret Santa

Mike K: Who doesn't wanna be a part of Secret Santa?

Mike Yao: I don't, fuck that shit!

Mike K: Why not?

Robert: It's Secret Santa, not Secret Buddha!

I love you, Mike Yao!

My New Credo

All you got to do is use your instincts. How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "Tackle the gazelle." And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "Tackle drunk bitches."

-Romany Malco in the 40 Year Old Virgin.

Home Alone

I seriously love when no one is home. It allows me to walk around the house butt-naked. I'm totally serious! I'm actually butt-naked while typing this.

I love my body - even though no one else does.

Math

"What's 3+6?"

"Is it 9?"

"Congratulations! You just passed Polish Calculus!"

X Marks the Spot!

So I drew a little pirate map on myself today during work - as seen above. When we were out with the guys at Atomics, Peter asked me about it. I showed him the whole thing and then I said, "X marks the spot!" and I slapped the shit out of him! Then he pursued to salt me.



Totally worth it.







I fucking love Atomic Fridays.

Pimp My Ride

Me and Niall saw this on our way to Greenpoint.


I don't know whether this is a hipster or a hillbilly pickup truck - you can never tell the difference between the two sometimes.

Where's Xzibit when you need him?

Quite a Dilemma

Decisions! Decisions!

Brooklyn Hospital

Brooklyn Hospital is most certainly a weird place. Weird isn't the right word, but I don't know what else I should say. I had a doctor's appointment on Friday and I have TWO stories to tell!

Okay, so I go to Brooklyn Hospital, sign in, and then I just sit down in the waiting room. I'm sitting like three seats away from this elderly black guy and I notice that his shoe is untied. So - of course - I said to him, "Excuse me sir, your shoe's untied." He looks down and notices is. Then he says, "Oh yea?!". He then goes down to his other shoe - the one that is tied - and he unties it dramatically! Then he says, "Take that, CRACKER!" I was literally flabbergasted! I didn't know what the fuck to say, I was just in shock.

While I'm still waiting, I ask out loud if anyone has a pen. I have a newspaper with me and I wanna do my Sudoku puzzles. So this girl comes up to me and hands me a pen. I thank her and think that's the end of it, but it was only the beginning. She starts talking to me. I try to pay her no mind because I'm really into my Sudoku, but then again I have to pay some attention to her since she gave me the pen. She asks me what I'm here for and I tell her that I'm here for my knees. I ask her the same question, and she tells me she has Lupus! I didn't know much about the disease, but I do know that it's an autoimmune disorder. I thought it was like AIDS so I was honestly kinda creeped out. I felt so bad for her! Then I realize that she's flirting with me, which creeped me out even more! She asked me if I had a girlfriend. I told her I did, and she looked DEVASTATED! I felt even worse! Then there was an awkward silence and eventually my doctor comes out and calls me in. Talk about perfect timing! I thank her for the pen, give it back to her, and walk away. I felt so horrible!

I ended up getting a pen from the receptionist. And funny enough, it's a pen with a BMI indicator on it. When I go to check mine, it was all in the red. Red = Bad. She basically told me to lose some weight. Fucking bitch!



On a lighter note, I did end up finishing the Sudoku puzzles. And it made me realize that if I play my cards right, I will never have to pay for a pen ever again. Woohoo!



This place gives me the heebie-jeebies!